Nobody knows who I really am
Ive never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along
Who's gonna confort me and keep me strong
We are rowing the boat of faith
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves will guide you through another day
Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you'll follow me and keep me strong
And every time I see your face
The ocean sings out to my heart
You make me want to reach out to yours
And soon I can see the shore
Oh I can see the shore
When will I see the shore
I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along
I will follow you and keep you strong
And every time I see your face
The ocean sings out to my heart
You make me want to reach out to yours
And soon I can see the shore
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
OMG meg you got that off of Bleach and I love that song you cheater*points at work*write a reall one okie dokie and nice try^_^*busted*
wow snoink, thats the shortest critique ive ever read from you.
i like the poem, its very... interesting i guess. but the no body knows who i am bit, well honestly they should be two seperate poems, in my opinion. they really don't seem to go together. also, close to the end you use shore to end three consecutive (if i spelt that right) lines. perhaps you couldnt think of another word? i dont like things to repeat so that brought the poem down a bit.
but what would I know, i cant write poetry to save my life, lol.
all the best
cabbage
Interesting. I like the parts about the ocean, simply because DUDE. The ocean is awesome! With that said, I think I would rather you edit this down to just the ocean, and get rid of the "nobody knows who I am." That sounds too... I don't know. Angsty, perhaps? But if you talk about sailing, then that's not angsty. That's pretty. So then you would increase the poetic imagery and made life a lot prettier for you.
Hope that helps!